Cuddle up — it’s cold out there.
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30Sep
Categories: Blonde Things, Giggles for the day Comments: 0
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18Sep
Categories: Blonde Things, Giggles for the day Comments: 1
I love waking up to the sound of my cat, Jasper, puking at 6 am. I love when he is too lazy to get off the bed, and he upchucks his breakfast onto my cozy, blue velvet duvet from Pottery Barn. I love when sometimes he is standing on the two inch head board of my bed and vomit cascades like a waterfall down onto my nice clean pillow.
But most of all I love when I finally drag myself out of bed to look for his half digested breakfast, and I cannot find the vomit. Why you ask? Because my dog, Molly, is happily licking her paws as though she just consumed the most delectable meal of her life. This brings a whole new meaning to “wet food.”
Gross. Does anyone want to adopt a cat or dog?
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06Sep
Categories: Blonde Things, Giggles for the day Comments: 2
The candy jar phenomenon — at first I thought this was a bank thing, but now I realize it’s an office thing. When you’re sitting cramped in a little cubicle all day – you need a little pick me up, right? My question is — why am I the one who gets stuck with the candy jar on mydesk?
When I worked at Citizens Bank, the candy in favor was M&M’s. Those bankers and their M&M’s – let me tell you, it’s a sad sight when there is a line to the candy jar around 3 pm.
The candy obsession started with a little dish on my desk, and somehow the little dish could not handle the capacity of bankers that dipped their hands into the dish — I had to upgrade to a candy jar. Yet, I found myself still refilling the damn thing ten times a day. One day, when I was at a country-bumpkin fair, I saw a cute candy dispenser, complete with a wooden label with the words “candy jar” painted on it [very country and it kind of resembled a bird feeder]. OK- maybe at the time I thought it was cute. Luckily my new candy jar could hold three bags of M&M’s. Everyone eventually started complaining the holes were too small because they couldn’t grab enough M&M’s– good grief.
At my current job, I have also been dubbed the candy queen, a title that has been handed down by many AA’s before me. Someone even went to the trouble of printing and taping a memo saying, “Go ahead you deserve it.”
The treat of choice for the NYS Department of Health — Hershey’s Special Dark Miniatures and Tootsie Rolls. Did you know that BJ’s sells mammoth size bags of this stuff? I have an entire drawer in my desk devoted to candy – two 5 lb. bags of tootsie rolls and 1 lb. of Hershey’s chocolate to be exact.
Being a huge fan of dark chocolate and Mr. Goodbar, I cannot keep my hand out of the darn candy drawer! I have concluded that I have no self control, especially when it comes to Mr. Goodbar – I need help.
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05Aug
Categories: Blonde Things, Giggles for the day Comments: 2
Jealousy, as defined by Webster, “fearful or wary of being replaced by a rival, esp. in regard to another’s affection. Arising from feelings of envy, apprehension, or bitterness. Intolerant disloyalty or infidelity.”
Regrettably, I admit that I am classified as a “jealous girlfriend.” I’m not really sure why the emotion happens, and I cannot explain why adrenaline burst through my body at rapid pace when it comes to other woman and my man. Evolutionary instincts, I think. Obviously, the feeling feeds off my insecurities, and I wish I could be one of those girls who is always carefree when it comes to this stuff. Sadly, I am not. For the most part, I have faith in my relationship and everything that involves my commitment with Sam. [maybe there is a jealous-girlfriend counseling session someone can hook me up with?]
Along with this issue that I burden, I am one of those girls who wants to know everything. I need to know who, when, where, why, how and all the dirt in between. So, when I wake to a constant buzzing of text alerts at three in the morning [yes 3 am], I wonder who the [insert H-E-double hockey stick] is texting my boyfriend. [and waking me up, for that matter].
Girls, girls, girls. Let’s get this straight: I am definitely not saying that my boyfriend can’t have friends who are girls, and between the two of us we have determined this concept a common law. So, do I text dudes other than Sam? Sometimes. Do I have friends of the male gender? Yes. [there is a but coming] But there is a fine line here, am I right? I actually happen to like a lot of Sam’s friends who are woman. In the end, perhaps this texter is just as insecure as me, and she has issues too. However, you have crossed the line of decency, and now I will have to hold it against you.
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30Jul
Categories: Blonde Things, Giggles for the day Comments: 0
1.) Despite the fact, that some employees need help from Stacy and Clinton, there are a few state workers who actually know how to have a good time.
2.) New York State isn’t functioning in August [everyone is on vacation].
3.) Incentivizes is a word, and Microsoft Word doesn’t agree.
4.) Watch out for those revolving doors, they might hit you in the ass.
5.) If I get bored, I suppose I can ride up and down the elevator all day.
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30May
Categories: Blonde Things, Giggles for the day Comments: 0
It’s crazy how a few mangled words, can create such a potty mouth. Over the years, lots of individuals have wandered into our apartment, and here is what they’ve said:
magnetic poetry, it's addicting
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21Apr
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Friday- after eight long hours at the bank, I went home, changed and started to make my 35 minute commute to The Red Barn. The busy night went surprisingly smooth with only one cook in the kitchen. For dinner I ate Bert’s famous, homemade Matz Ball soup with “no balls” aka chicken noodle soup. I left the restaurant around 11:45. I only got two miles down the road, and a large brown creature dashed in front of me. One slipped by, then number two- BOOM!
the driver side head light- did not survive
the left turning signal- no good
the beautiful gray metallic bonnet with flashy black stripes- dented and scratched
the front bumper and grill- crackedMy parents arrived around 12 am, and the police arrived at 12:15. I didn’t get home until 1 am. All I can say is thank God for car insurance, and a $500 deductible. The next morning I looked worse than the deer- my eyes were all puffy and my head pounded. I spent my gorgeous Saturday afternoon sleeping off my MINI- deer hangover, but it was back to The Red Barn for another fun night of work.
On the up-side… Sunday I went to “Heaven on earth” or Kimberly’s, a day at the Spa where I spent three hours being rubbed down with fancy oils and lotions. Heaven on Earth was the name of my spa package-
“A truly heavenly experience that treats body and mind. We begin with a Kimberley’s Signature Facial. This is followed by a relaxing and therapeutic One Hour Swedish Massage, and the package is finished with a Kimberley Manicure. Sit back and enjoy.” Kimberly’s
Yes- it felt amazing…. to live the life of the rich and famous, if only for a few hours, and it made me forget about my MINI until I had to drive it home….
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07Apr
Categories: Blonde Things, Giggles for the day Comments: 0
It’s a perfect spring afternoon, and I’m wishing we could petition the professor to hold class outside. The pages would rattle as the breeze blew and tiny bugs would emerge from hibernation and crawl onto the pages. Students half listening to the lecture, counting the minutes before the bell would ring.
But wait….those days are over, and I’m stuck in a stuffy office, starring at a computer screen, gazing outside at the blue sky and bare trees…counting the minutes before all three of my clocks happily strike 5 p.m.
Oh to be a kid again….the days of skipping classes are over.
