I would chase after sticks; sleep all day; bark as loud as I want; brush my teeth without lifting a finger paw; roll around in the mud; and eat “cookies” without worrying about my figure.

Yup that would be the life.

Here’s how: Flower and triangle box

My dad is a “Chief Credit Officer” for commercial banking in NYS (I think that’s his title) – so he is high up on the hierarchy ladder, and customers and other clients send him gifts every year for Christmas, mostly food baskets filled with goodies. Maybe they’re hoping for a better interest rate on their loan?

Anyway, the mailroom delivered a package to my desk to day because it was addressed to “Churchill,” so without thinking or looking at who it was from I signed for it.

Then I opened the package – and ate the contents.

My dad is an extremely picky eater (he doesn’t eat anything green, and he doesn’t like turkey, so on Thanksgiving my mom always makes him his own chicken dish. It’s actually quite amusing.). Usually, when he receives these gifts he puts them on the communal filling cabinet, and the whole office has a free-for-all. My point being, he most likely wouldn’t have eaten the delicious chocolate covered pretzels that were gifted to him.

It said my name – I think that’s an honest mistake, right?

Daniel Tosh, a comedian and host of Tosh.0 on Comedy Central (airs Thursdays 10pm) was performing. Sam said he saw his show, which pokes fun of video clips on the internet and thought it was amusing. So, when Tosh came to the Capital Region Sam thought it would be a fun “romantic evening” for us. Why he used the word “romantic” to describe a night of laughing at the idea of how awesome is would be if we could fabreeze the homeless; or laughing at how big the Octo Mom’s vagina is after fourteen kids would be “romantic” is beyond me. But it was great evening to do something together even if the gesture wasn’t leading towards a dreamy or romantic evening.

I will say, the show was funny in a disturbing, twisted sort of way, making fun of things that honestly should never be laughed at. Nonetheless the audiences, including myself and Sam were laughing.

Here is a clip – (please don’t read if you are offended by profanity – I will repeat – WARNING BAD LANUAGE): Daniel Tosh interviews his audience

Last weekend Sam and I went to his little brother’s wedding (I still need to post about this read about it here), and we were given the largest mum for “most improved couple” (still not sure what that means) and a cute little pumpkin as wedding favors.

We live in downtown Albany, so we don’t have a lawn where you can throw hay barrels and corn stocks all around to make it look festive (this is what they do where I’m from anyway). We do have a front stoop – and we usually set out a pumpkin or two to decorate for the season. Our stoop looked very festive for about five days. Then the squirrels came and decided to help me carve my pumpkin.

There is a house a block down the street who also had some squirrels over for pumpkin carving.

But most of all I love when I finally drag myself out of bed to look for his half digested breakfast, and I cannot find the vomit. Why you ask? Because my dog, Molly, is happily licking her paws as though she just consumed the most delectable meal of her life. This brings a whole new meaning to “wet food.”

Gross. Does anyone want to adopt a cat or dog?

When I worked at Citizens Bank, the candy in favor was M&M’s. Those bankers and their M&M’s – let me tell you, it’s a sad sight when there is a line to the candy jar around 3 pm.

The candy obsession started with a little dish on my desk, and somehow the little dish could not handle the capacity of bankers that dipped their hands into the dish — I had to upgrade to a candy jar. Yet, I found myself still refilling the damn thing ten times a day. One day, when I was at a country-bumpkin fair, I saw a cute candy dispenser, complete with a wooden label with the words “candy jar” painted on it [very country and it kind of resembled a bird feeder]. OK- maybe at the time I thought it was cute. Luckily my new candy jar could hold three bags of M&M’s. Everyone eventually started complaining the holes were too small because they couldn’t grab enough M&M’s– good grief.

At my current job, I have also been dubbed the candy queen, a title that has been handed down by many AA’s before me. Someone even went to the trouble of printing and taping a memo saying, “Go ahead you deserve it.”

The treat of choice for the NYS Department of Health — Hershey’s Special Dark Miniatures and Tootsie Rolls. Did you know that BJ’s sells mammoth size bags of this stuff? I have an entire drawer in my desk devoted to candy – two 5 lb. bags of tootsie rolls and 1 lb. of Hershey’s chocolate to be exact.

Being a huge fan of dark chocolate and Mr. Goodbar, I cannot keep my hand out of the darn candy drawer! I have concluded that I have no self control, especially when it comes to Mr. Goodbar – I need help.